


Shirts, Pants, Masks, All Off

by knightinsourarmor



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Dysphoria, Canon Compliant, Canon Trans Character, Canon-Typical Violence, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Drama & Romance, Elf/Human Relationship(s), F/M, Fluff, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Mild Sexual Content, Non-Graphic Violence, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Past Abuse, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-14 19:29:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4576995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightinsourarmor/pseuds/knightinsourarmor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eshne Lavellan and Cremisius Aclassi wake up next to each other one morning after a night of heavy drinking. Surprised at first, not just by their sexual escapades but the reveal of Eshne as a trans woman, this sparks a decision to start an actual relationship between the two of them. One neither is quite sure how well it will go.</p><p>As their relationship develops, both are keeping things from each other afraid that if it's revealed the other will leave them. At the same time some of the members of the Inquisition are not fully behind the union. Eshne is also unsure if she can have a relationship with anyone due to her past, but they start to fall in love anyways. Things reach a head when ghosts they both long thought gone come back to haunt the pair and their secrets are pushed out into the open.</p><p>In the end both have to make a decision about what they really want and what they will go to keep it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Eshne woke up confused with a slight pounding in her skull. What had happened last night? The elven woman recalled drinking quite a bit mostly at the insistence of Iron Bull and then the goading of the Chargers. Eshne wasn't a lightweight by any means but that didn't mean she hadn't had blackouts before. The thought was mostly aggravating. There was few things she disliked more than being unable to recall situations. Eshne was a sullen drunk, not getting up to some of the antics she had witnessed in others, but that didn't mean she might not have done something she'd regret. Her advisers would be sure to inform her later if she had gotten up to something wild.

Shifting and stretching Eshne could feel the sheets against her bare skin as she moved underneath them. The elven woman didn't normally go to bed nude. Eshne was always at the ready for an attack. She was the Inquisitor after all and a powerful icon to the people of Thedas. Beyond that Eshne had grown up in a way that she couldn't feel comfortable without some protection. She didn't wear armor to bed (despite the rumors) but clothes that would fit easily under the armor. Running around nude was not something she wanted to do if she could avoid it. A naked body was an easy target for most weapons and Eshne would not let some assassin have it so easy.  She decided that she must of gotten too drunk last night with the Chargers and ruined her clothes. Perhaps the elf had at least the capacity to remove the clothes before bed. Yes she could see them lying on the ground next to her bed, a messy pile of hastily taken off garments. Now that Eshne had solved the mystery of her headache and missing clothes it was time to get ready for the day. First thing was to rinse off before the rest of her morning rituals.

As she moved to leave the bed, the elf finally realized that there was another presence in the bed next to her. Now moving from confused and tired to worried she turned to see that someone else was sleeping there. The blankets laid against their hips exposing the top half of the nude body. Eshne's eyes trailed from the slightly wide hips up to the chest. The breasts there weren't large but would be noticeable underneath a shirt without something to hold them down. From there Eshne looked further up to the sleeping face of Krem. 

Krem. Cremisius Aclassi was asleep in her bed just as nude as she was. If Eshne wasn't sure that she was awake she might have thought this to be some sort of weird dream. A hand extended to brush back brown hair that was laid over his eyes. Eshne strained to remember what exactly happened last night. Vague memories of talking to Krem replayed in her mind. Eshne mentally cursed the whole situation. The man was still deeply asleep. For now it was best for Eshne to get on with her routine and wake him once she was done. They needed to have a conversation about this. Not only that but Eshne was going to ask Bull and the chargers what they remembered. No need for a rumor of the Inquisitor leading one of the mercenaries into her bed. The scandalous nature it possessed made a small smile cross her lips. Removing herself from the bed, Eshne stretched again and walked to the side-room located in her room. She had placed a basin in the room in order to avoid any kind of public bathing. A mirror was set into the wall above the basin and Eshne frowned into it. She moved a hand down her flat chest as she stared at herself her thoughts trailing back to the man still laying in her bed. They had sex, that was the long and short of it. Eshne would be foolish to think that they had merely undressed and crashed into sleep. Others might consider that they had planned on sex but were too drunk to actually get to that part. She could recall the feeling of Krem's hands on her body. The sight of him below her as he smirked up at her with a challenging look to his eyes. Words muddled and meaningless spoken and forgotten. 

Luckily her dark red hair was short enough that it never needed much attention to manage it. Not wanting to waste anymore time she washed herself as quickly as she could. She headed back into her room to see that Krem was sitting up in bed. He had looked puzzled and dazed as he scanned the room but when his eyes landed on the still naked elf, his expression changed. 

"Good morning?"

Krem looked so uncomfortable and confused that it made Eshne laugh without any real mirth to it. He too seemed to be taken by surprise at the situation they found themselves in. Still her laughter made the man relax - slightly. She kept an eye on Krem as his eyes dropped to below her waist and the events of last night replayed in his own mind. His eyes then locked onto her own and a silent conversation played between them. A smile quirked on Krem's face. 

"Your clothes seem to be on the other side of the bed if you wish to dress," Eshne said in an even voice. Eshne was rather stoic in nature. To become emotional or open gave her fear that she'd be seen as weak. The lessons of the alienage were burned into her being. Showing weakness meant that someone who had more power would hurt you knowing they could get away with it. Humans in particular seemed to want to exert power other those of her kind. The Inquisition was made of mostly humans. Eshne would not give them the chance to do her harm. "I believe your binder is over there."

"Your Worship..." Eshne looked at him for a moment waiting for what he wanted to say. Instead he slid from the bed, blushing slightly and gathered his clothing to dress. Eshne opened a drawer. Inside was a collection of bottles and a few unused herbs. Eshne took a deep drink from one of them. The unusual taste of the concoction no longer effected her the way it did when she first began. Sometimes she wondered if she was making it wrong. The Keeper had taught Eshne how to combine the herbs in order to help her feel more "natural" in her body. No one but a very select few knew that she was trans. Now Krem was one of them. Watching him put the binder on Eshne was sure that she didn't need to worry. Krem would understand better than most people. They had both dressed themselves, their bodies transforming slightly under the additional garments that they wore. Eshne had a padded cloth she used to give herself a fake chest. The herbs from her earlier drink had given her a slight chest, but Eshne thought that breasts might just be detrimental in a battle and get in the way. Fake was a better option in practicality. As long as no one touched her they'd never know. Or saw her topless. There was a slight tension in the air as both of the room's occupants remained silent. They had to discuss what had happened between them last night but neither seemed inclined to start the conversation.

"Your Worship....Inquisitor Lavellan," Krem started, idling by the stairs. Eshne looked at him, waiting again for him to speak. He clearly had something to say. "I want to say I am not ashamed of what happened. I mean after all we both agreed to give it a try. It's just you're the leader here. I guess it's overwhelming to know you fucked the big boss. I don't want to do anything that might cause problems."

"There is nothing wrong with what happened between us," Eshne said, her voice clear. If Krem was worried that them having sex would cause issues then Eshne was not. She didn't really care much for the opinion of others beyond making sure that she would not be turned against. Eshne had trouble trusting most of the members of the Inquisition and her personal action was of little thought to the bigger picture. Eshne had grown up with people being against her and being the leader of the Inquisition would not make her bend to people now. Even if Josephine kept reminding her that she'd not get any allies that way, especially among the nobles. Eshne knew she was tough to get along with and rather harsh with the way she did things but hardship has formed her. She knew no other way.

"Do you really mean that?"

"Of course. I wasn't really upset about what happened. I can't say I'm not surprised if I decided to sleep with anyone it'd be you. After all who else here wouldn't give me having a cock a second glance. You should probably go."

There was an interesting expression that crossed Krem's face that Eshne couldn't quite name. He then nodded and scratched his head, smiling a little. "Wait til Bull hears I had sex with the Inquisitor. He's gunna flip. It should be hilarious."

Eshne could imagine that and a small smile appeared before disappearing as she headed to her desk. She had work to do but she looked at Krem who looked ready to head down the stairs and return to the Chargers. Most likely to tell them where he spent last night. She nodded at him again and he gave her this almost goofy smile before disappearing. Once he was gone Eshne slumped into the chair and looked towards the balcony on her left. There was much more the redhead wanted to say to Krem. What was it like for them to sleep together? Did she really mean it that the only reason she fucked Krem was because he was trans too? She knew once she had time she was going to talk to Krem again. There was more he wanted to say back to her. Was her position the only thing holding him back from voicing what he was thinking? The way he looked at her before he left. 

Eshne's head still ached but it wasn't just from the hangover anymore. Yes there was more to say but deep down Eshne wanted nothing more to avoid it all. She couldn't have this. It was best to just leave it as it was. A one time thing. 

 

* * *

 

"Inquisitor can we talk?"

Eshne had remained in her room for most of the morning, taking a small breakfast of bacon and eggs with bitter black tea up there. There was a lot to go over that she had been neglecting. Eshne was much more suited to fighting than she would ever be to paperwork. Dealing with the issues of nobles and commoners alike were important but draining. She took a sip of her warm tea and looked up to see who had arrived.

It was Josephine. Her diplomatic adviser was probably the one closer to the elf even if she tended to side with Cullen's advice more often. Something about the woman and her more pacifist nature was an odd fight to Eshne's aggressive one. Diplomacy was useful, she would not deny that fact, but once again it was not something she tended to lean towards.

"Sure. What is it?"

"The other advisers and I have been discussing ways to increase your popularity and secure more allies. Most people have not met you, let alone even seen the infamous Herald of Andraste." Infamous. That was not a good term to be associated with. "We haven't fully come to a mutual decision but I thought it best that you be aware. Is there anything you can think of that might help? It is of course you who will be displayed before people. You should have part in the decision."

"I could fight people. It's what I do best."

"A tourney? That might work out if we can arrange it right. Who wouldn't want to test their mettle against the Inquisitor?" Eshne hadn't meant it that way and from her expression Josephine knew that. Eshne could only imagine that her fighting and beating down numerous opponents was not going to earn her much love or respect from people. No one wanted to be thrashed by the knife-eared bastard in front of crowds of people. Yet Eshne couldn't deny the thrill of being able to kick the asses of shems, especially nobles. It was too tempting not to go along with. Josephine was already talking about the finer details but Eshne waved a hand at her friend.

"We can discuss this later with the others. If you truly believe that I need to do something so the people of Thedas don't come harrying us or turning their back to our help then I doubt there is much I can do to convince you otherwise. At least I don't have to do anything that involved dressing up or flattering nobles again." The memories of the Winter Palace were not happy ones. Trying not to insult or assault any of the irritating gnats there was more tiring than any fight she had been in. 

"You would be surprised by how many people find you desirable Inquisitor," Josephine said, now with a look like she knew something she wouldn't tell. She also seemed rather pleased, but with what Eshne didn't know. She sighed deeply, knowing that this was for the best. Even if it would be a hassle as well. Just another problem to add to the growing list. Two in one day. Eshne must be doing something right. She was going to have to go and train in order to work off this frustration.

Josephine smiled and bowed before leaving saying she'd talk to Cullen and Leliana about setting up a tourney of some sorts at Skyhold. Eshne sat back in her chair quietly. She should talk to Krem now and get the whole mess out of the way and settled. Resolve that situation before anything else. Yet instead she grabbed her armor and greatsword, heading down to the training area. 

One problem at a time. The training dummies couldn't talk at least which made it the more appealing option. She'd handle the rest of her problems later. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eshne thinks about the pros and cons for letting someone new into her life. Is it worth the risk of getting hurt? Even more is it worth the risk of them finding out about her past?
> 
> Krem considers if Eshne is the right kind of partner for him. Would she leave him like she left Blackwall if she knew he was hiding something from her too?

"Oh Inquisitor are you heading into the War Room?"

Eshne had finished her training for the morning. Sweat beaded off her body as she walked through Josephine's office. The top part of her armor had been removed and she was left with just a loose shirt. No padding but her advisers had never asked. They respected her too much (although a small part of her wonders if they feared her like all the others did).

Josephine's office always gave off an air of calm. Eshne found she didn't mind being in the room often talking to her diplomat adviser. Not that she'd admit to it. Eshne had a reputation as a cold-hearted warrior and she preferred people be intimidated by her. People gave her a wide berth out of fear. Any softness inside was usually kept to herself or a handful of others she didn't think necessary to scare away. Or that she couldn't.

Josephine had stood to walk with Eshne into the War Room telling her that Leliana and Cullen were already inside discussing tactics about fighting Corypheus and his Red Templars. Once they entered the short hallway between Josie's office and the War Room, Josephine made a gesture for them to stop. Eshne looked at her friend with a neutral expression wondering if this was about the tourney the woman suggested earlier.

"I think you should know there is already rumors being spread about you and that Charger. Cremisius is his name yes? I thought you should be aware."

Eshne raised an eyebrow but didn't express much surprise, but Josephine knew her well enough that she could tell Eshne had been caught off-guard by the knowledge people were talking about her and Krem. Annoyed as well.

"I don't know why you didn't expect this Inquisitor. The man was seen going to your room with you last night and then leaving in front of a fair number of people this morning. Your door isn't exactly in a place for discreet rendezvous." There was a silence as Josephine waited for Eshne reaction or even, if she was lucky, an explanation for what happened. Instead she got her own surprise for the morning with the elf's next comment.

"Have you told Blackwall how you feel yet?"

"I... Oh course not Eshne. It would be, not proper to, I mean we are of different ranks among the Inquisition it couldn't be done." Josephine was frowning at the sudden change to her own romance. Not that she was involved with the non-warden. Josephine shook her head knowing that Eshne would try to deflect any talk of herself away. "Besides it's only been a month since you two split. I rather not make myself look like some desperate woman. Throwing myself at a man who was just with my friend and leader."

Eshne face twisted into one of unpleasantness at the words 'leader'. Eshne didn't want to lead anyone and she loathed being reminded by her few friends. She much rather see them as equals to herself. After all who would truly want to be lead by an angry knife-ear who'd slit the throat of a human first chance they got? Not only that but Josephine's protests were tired. Eshne had heard them before when she brought up Josie's feelings. Nor did she really see the other woman throwing herself at anything besides her work. The image of her literally throwing herself at Blackwall made the ends of her mouth curl up as she resisted the urge to smile or laugh. It was all so very ridiculous.

"It won't bother me Josie. I knew you liked him while we were together. I won't hold it against you. Besides positions in the Inquisition? You should do what you want."

"Like you?"

Eshne just shrugged. She had no time for playing some game of who to get close to and who to avoid. She had a hard enough time as it was finding people she could tolerate being around. She wouldn't waste her time not pursuing someone because they were some low-ranked soldier or a mercenary from somewhere like Tevinter. Mercenary from Tevinter. Creators be damned she would not think about Krem right now. Even if she had more reason to talk to him now if what Josephine told her was true. Which it was. Josie dealt with the gossip that formed about the Inquisition and it's members. The more vainer kind usually as opposed to assassin plots or spies. Romantic rumors were just up her alley.

"Why did you break it off with Blackwall Eshne? If I may ask?"

Eshne merely sighed, rubbing her forehead. No she didn't want to deal with this either right now. She thought she was done answering those questions.

"You freed him from jail and punishment at others' hands and then choose to allow him to choose what to do. You could have commanded his death or exile or forced him to join the Wardens to make his claims true. Instead you gave him his freedom back, but choose not to continue your romance. You never told me that reason you turned him away." There were words Josephine did not say but Eshne knew they were there in her question. She knew that the redhead didn't leave Blackwall because he had lied to her and everyone. She harbored her own dark secrets. There was something else that stopped her from taking him back and instead made her avoid his presence. When Eshne did not speak Josephine continued onward as if she had never asked. "You should talk to Cremisius and settle whatever happened between you two last night. The rumors won't be stopped if you avoid them this time. You left one man a month ago and are now with another, younger and more handsome man. People will talk."

Another pause before Eshne turned to Josephine with a rare smile on her face. "Wait until I tell Blackwall you don't think he's handsome."

" _Inquisitor._ "

___

Krem entered the tavern to the familiar sound of chatter. Unless he was involved in the conversation Krem never focused in on anything particular. For Krem the noises of the tavern had become a pleasant background buzz that permeated the building almost all hours of the day. After being in Skyhold for almost a year he felt the most home here. Krem spotted the other Chargers gathered at a few tables, laughing at something Skinner said. As he approached his friends they looked up at him with sly grins and Dalish winked at him. 

"Ah Krem de la creme. So glad you could join us this morning."

They knew what had happened last night. Maybe not all of what went on but they had been there last night. Iron Bull seemed rather pleased and Krem prepared himself for questions and comments. 

"Of course Chief. Where else would I be?"

"Come on Krem," Skinner started giving him a sly expression. The rest of the Chargers had similar expressions, although Iron Bull had a somewhat neutral one. "There is no need to pretend. Half the tavern saw you making out with the Inquisitor last night."

Had he made out with Eshne in front of everyone? He tried to recall what had happened but there were parts that were blurry from the alcohol. Thinking about it Krem did remember being whistled at and a few cheers. The taste of alcohol and the lingering scent of blood made him smile and there were a few chuckles. They definitely hadn't been discreet last night, but what would that mean? Krem had no desire to put Eshne into any complicated positions. Even if she seemed alright with what happened when they talked this morning.

"Listen I can't help it if you guys are jealous. Her Worship is a rather good kisser." Krem was subjugated to a number of questions about what happened. He shared what he could not certain if Eshne wanted to keep it secret. It didn't help that if he tried to brush things off the others would press or know that he wasn't telling everything. He was going to have to talk to Eshne once they had time. There was much they hadn't had a chance to discuss he realized. Iron Bull was mostly quiet but as the conversation dwindled he gave his lieutenant a serious look.

"I want you to be careful with the Boss Krem."

"What do you mean Chief?"

The Iron Bull didn't say anything for a moment but there was a sense of uneasiness in the air. Krem had a vague feeling of what he might say but it still caught him off-guard when the qunari spoke.

"The Boss isn't all there. There is something dangerous about that woman. I've seen the way she fights, how she acts. I want you to be careful with her. Eshne harbors a lot of rage and resentment. I don't want you to end up getting hurt, alright?"

"You think she'll hurt me?"

Iron Bull shrugged, but Krem knew that he was worried. Krem knew of Eshne's reputation. She was aggressive and often used violence as an answer instead of other options. Yet thinking back on her attitude this morning and the way she interacted with the Chargers, there was a part of him that found it hard to believe she would intentionally do something bad to him. 

"All I'm saying is to be on your guard. You know how she ended things with Blackwall. Just don't do anything stupid."

"Don't worry Chief. I'll save that for you."

Iron Bull grunted. For a couple of hours Krem chatted with the Chargers, dodging any serious questions about his night with the Inquisitor. He was still stuck on Iron Bull's warning about Eshne, but tried not to worry about it. He knew that the woman wasn't the easiest or safest person to be around. He knew the rumors about her, what people said when she wasn't around. That she was too violent, too bitter. Filled with too much hatred and rage. How she was a dangerous woman and how people only helped the Inquisition out of fear. It was an odd thought to think about when compared to how she was with her friends. There was no problems last night. In fact Eshne was keeping up with all the jokes and teasing that went on, adding in her own stories of when she was a mercenary.

There was another uneasiness to the entire situation that Krem didn't want to address. He had his own secrets that he hadn't shared just like her. They probably were on different levels but if they ended up together would he have to confess to them? Eshne had left Blackwall after the truth of who he was became revealed. Would it be wrong to keep things from her if it would only lead to her leaving him?

Krem scoffed taking a deep drink as Maryden broke into a song about the 'vicious Inquisitor'. Why was he even worried about that? They had had one night together. That didn't have to mean anything even if there was a part of him that wouldn't mind. He thought about the way her face slightly softened. The small quirks of her mouth when she smiled, just a little. He had liked her before they slept together, but what had happened between them cemented the feelings into something like a crush instead of an unknown liking. Krem noticed an eyebrow raised from Iron Bull when he sighed this time, but he dismissed it with a shake of his head. No he didn't feel like talking about it. Not right now.

That was when Eshne walked into the tavern. He watched as she scanned the room and her eyes passed over the chair Krem normally occupied and there was a brief frown on her face. She was looking for him. Her eyes then landed on the group of them and she walked across the room. Her expression was locked into one of annoyance but that appeared to be the default with her. Iron Bull greeted her cheerfully and a few of the Chargers chuckled.

"Come to see Krem your holiness," Rocky asked with a laugh, nudging Krem with his elbow as he did so. "He was talking about you earlier you know."

There was a raise to her eyebrow and Krem almost looked away from Eshne when her glaze fell onto him. He gave her a smile and shrugged trying to act nonchalant about it. She definitely wasn't the kind of woman to deal with teasing. Yet she didn't seem to be upset about it. 

"I am not surprised. You guys probably harassed him into talking all about what happened. I can't say I wouldn't either. In fact you are not the only ones who brought it up. At least Krem dealt with a friendlier crowd than I did." There was something to that that indicated Eshne had been approached by those who probably didn't approve of her actions or thought to stop any rumors before they began. A part of Krem wishes they had hidden what had happened so that no one would have known. He didn't want to add more problems to Eshne's growing pile if he could help it. "What did you tell them exactly?"

"Only the juiciest of details Boss," Iron Bull replied before Krem could answer her. He gave the qunari a dirty look. "I never expected some of that out of you. Not that I'm surprised at all to hear you're not exactly the gentlest."

"You shouldn't be." Eshne shook her head and raised a hand to prevent any more questions or comments. Instead she looked back at Krem with a neutral expression and he was worried something was already wrong. "I want to talk to you Krem. If that's alright."

"Of course Your Worship. Whatever you want."

He stood ready to follow her out of the tavern. They left to heckles and cries of "don't forget to be safe" and "don't break the boy" and other comments. Eshne walked on without another word leading them to the stone wall near to the stairs before stopping and turning to him.

___

It was all Josephine's fault that Eshne had decided in the end to talk to Krem. Creators knew why she had thought it a wise decision to talk more about her night with Krem after dealing with Inquisition business. Josephine might have said that Eshne wanted to talk about it. That she needed someone to egg her on to actually take  action. Eshne might have protested that she was quite good at being proactive. 

"But this is different, isn't it? When it comes to your feelings you move as slow as molasses down a tree trunk in the winter."

Eshne hated analogies and she hated that Josephine was completely right. Eshne didn't confront her feelings unless those feeling involved beating the shit out of someone or some kind of physical rebuttal. Eshne would fight at the slightly provocation but dealing with attachment and affection. Well she'd rather avoid those all together. Nothing good came out of becoming attached to someone. It would lead to pain. The last time Eshne opened up the other person didn't return with their own truth. Instead she was met with lies. Maybe she was too broken to have someone actually care. Even if Josephine and several others would protest to that. It was all too complicated and frustrated. 

There was a reason Eshne would rather fight than talk. Fighting was straightforward. You either beat your opponent or you lose. There was nothing else except the moment of cutting through her enemies and letting go of all else in the slaughter.

Krem looked nervous. 

Eshne had a few ideas on why he might be nervous about talking to her, although she had never really seen him nervous before. He always appeared collected when talking even when the fact that he was trans was first brought up. It was something she admire about him. There was nothing in her that was calm. Eshne knew that she had the shortest fuse and there was a bitterness that infected all she did. 

"Are you alright?"

"What? Oh yeah I'm fine. Just confused I guess. What is it that you wanted to talk about?"

Eshne leveled a gaze at Krem but she was no good at reading people. Maybe in a fight she might be able to know the best way to bring him down and how he would move and attack but this was something else. 

"Us."

"Us?"

"Yes. I wanted to talk about what happened between us. In more detail."

"What do you mean?"

Eshne just wanted to walk away from this. She had just left one relationship and there was no reason to place herself in another one. Yet there was something about Krem, something about what happened that gave her a feeling of wanting to try. The elf didn't like it. She was far too damaged to ever have a happy relationship, but maybe a second chance at trying might change that.

Or end even worse.

"You're not actually upset about what happened are you?"

Did he think that? This morning it seemed like everything had been fine. Not fine. There was nothing fine deep down. It wasn't about the sex that bothered Eshne. She didn't really care of it mostly due to the trauma surrounding it, but if it happened she didn't mind too much. Knowing it had been with Krem didn't bother her either and she had hoped that came across when they talked about it. Perhaps he thought she was lying or hiding her real feelings. Eshne was rather closed up. For good reasons but no one cared about that. If you weren't open and warm no one wanted to listen to you. 

This was what it was all about. Eshne struggled with Blackwall. It wasn't easy allowing herself to let her guard down, to let anyone get close. She had nightmares about the horrors she experiences and being touched by a human man could still make her skin itch and crawl. This was why it was a bad idea to even bring it up again with Krem. If she allowed them to be together, it was only going to be a problem.

But the concerned and patient look on Krem's face made it hard to just walk off. Krem wasn't a bad person and there was more they had in common than she did with Blackwall. It could work. Some voice in the back of her mind almost drowned out by how stupid this was was screaming that this could work. She could have a relationship without running. 

"Your Worship?"

"I like you Krem," Eshne finally said, knowing she had to say something. The inner struggle was still going on. It was momentarily distracted by an odd look on Krem's face before he just smiled at her. He still looked nervous but less so than he had been before. That was good at least. Maybe this wasn't a bright idea and maybe she couldn't let go of her past or even tell someone, but there was no more deliberating. No walking away. Not right now at least. 

This was a chance and she was going to take it. Even with the risks.

"I like you," she repeated waiting for him to react stronger than giving her an astonished but pleased look. "I am guessing you like me too because you're not running off screaming or anything."

'I could. There is still time."

Eshne choose that moment to kiss Krem and he responded in kind, leaning up to meet her mouth better. The voice in her back of her mind was still screaming somehow but she blocked it all out. Eshne promised to speak more to him once she had finished all her appointments and business for the day. Krem, looking shocked but grinning wide, nodded and told her he'd see her later. Eshne missed the worried expression on his face as her own mirrored it once he was almost to the tavern's door. 

This would end. There was no way around it. Eshne just hoped it would be easier than it was with Blackwall. She hurt enough people. Krem shouldn't be one of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a lot longer to get done than I expected. I apologize to all that were waiting. I'll try to get chapter 3 done and out sooner. 
> 
> I am still pretty pleased with this chapter. I don't know yet if Blackwall/Josephine will be one of the background pairings. I haven't put much thought into any other pairings for the fic beyond the main one. So who knows if there really will be any. I guess we'll see. 
> 
> Next chapter should have more Eshne + Chargers, Krem + Iron Bull and more on what Krem might be keeping from Eshne and several others. No spoilers on what it might be though. Sorry. Also next chapter will have some stuff from Eshne's childhood so csa warning for next chapter. Also it will definitely be much longer. Sorry about the short chapters so far.
> 
> Until then!

**Author's Note:**

> What's this? SPM/AO is back? But kind of different? 
> 
> Yes to all. I thought about the plot I had for the fic and decided to mostly trash it. Instead I have a similar plot but with less pulling things out of my ass about the Anchor and how it works. More relationship drama and such. Also a lot more headcanons for both of these characters pasts. Wish me good luck.
> 
> I hope everyone is still looking forward to this fic and that all those who were reading before come back and give this ago again. I love you all. Next chapter should be done very soon.


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